Sunday, October 4, 2009

This Bridge

This is another poem I wrote back in high school. Years later, in my first-ever therapy session, Therapist Mary asked me if I'd ever thought about suicide. I started to laugh off the question, when I remembered standing at the bridge, looking over the railing, and wondering if the fall would be high enough. I told her that yes, I guess I had thought about suicide. She leaned forward, looked me right in the face, and asked, "Are you thinking about it right now?" The question haunted me for years. In a way, it still does.

~

I’ve walked for half an hour and it brought me to this bridge
And I can’t say I’ve not stopped here before.
Because my world is harsh and threatening and the darkness seems so calm.
I know this bridge is what I’m looking for.
So I step up to the railing and I peek over the side—I can hear the darkness calling me below.
I take a breath and then step back; when headlights appear, I wait for taillights to go.
I return to the edge and open my eyes…

Maybe this bridge ain’t high enough to take away my sorrow.
And time has not gone by enough for me to see tomorrow.
Something’s waiting for me somewhere, but is it here or is it there?
Maybe this bridge is just high enough…

More headlights, then my best friend’s face, telling me not to stay out too late.
A smile, a laugh, she sped away, and I turned back to face my fate.
The darkness was calling. I didn’t hear the squeal of the tires or screams that echoed every where.
While my best friend was dying, one foot had met the air.
But wait…

Maybe this bridge ain’t high enough to take away my sorrow.
And time has not gone by enough for me to see tomorrow.
Something’s waiting for me somewhere, but is it here or is it there?
Maybe this bridge is just high enough…

I can hear the cars and chaos where my best friend is lying dead.
I feel the darkness envelop her as they cover up her head.
Do I stand here? Do I go back home?
Can I make it living on my own?
And then I hear the answer…

Girl, this bridge ain’t high enough to take away your sorrow. .
Time will soon go by enough and you will see tomorrow.
Something’s waiting for you somewhere—it’s your life—look everywhere!
But this bridge just won’t be high enough.

I walked for half an hour and it brought me to this bridge,
And I can’t say I’ve not stopped here before.